Wisdom?
Zen Moments Do not
walk behind me, for I may not lead.
Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow.
Do not walk beside me, either.
Just Leave me the hell alone.
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The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.
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It's always darkest before dawn.
So, if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
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Sex is like air.
It's not important unless you aren't getting any.
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Don't be irreplaceable.
If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
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No one is listening until you make a mistake.
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Always remember you're unique.
Just like everyone else.
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Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
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It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
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It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help.
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If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
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Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes.
That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
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If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
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Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day.
Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
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If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
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Dont' squat with your spurs on.
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If you tell the truth,
you don't have to remember anything.
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If you drink, don't park; accidents cause people.
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Some days you're the bug, some days you're the windshield.
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Don't worry, it only seems kinky the first time.
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Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
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The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your
pocket.
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Timing has an awful lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.
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A closed mouth gathers no foot.
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Duct tape is like the force.
It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
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There are two theories to arguing with women.
Neither one works.
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Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your mouth is moving.
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Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
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Never miss a good chance to shut up.
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We are born naked, wet, and hungry.
Then things get worse.
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Live in such a way that the preacher does not have to lie at your funeral.