No Pun In Ten Did
1.
Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying two dead raccoons. The
flight attendant looks at them and says, "I'm sorry, gentlemen, only one carrion
allowed per passenger."
2. Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to
Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and
never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two
weevils.
3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they
lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and
heat it, too.
4. A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West.
He slides up to the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my
paw."
5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain
during a root canal? He wanted to transcend dental medication.
6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and
were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about
an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. But
why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't
stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of
them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family
in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to
his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she
also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen
Juan, you've seen Ahmal."
8. Some friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they
opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from
the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked
the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to
close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and
most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars
and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop.
Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent
florist friars.
9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the
time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little,
which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made
him ....what? (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good) A super calloused fragile mystic hexed
by halitosis.
10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns
to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh.
Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.