Mid-Week Laughs
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets.
As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket, and he opened his trench coat
and flashed her. Without missing a beat she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket,
not your stub."
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn't find one
big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any
bigger?" The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."
The cop got out of his car and the kid, that was stopped for speeding, rolled down his
window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said. The kid replied,
"Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could." When the cop finally stopped
laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads "low
bridge ahead." Before he knows it the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck
under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The cop
gets out of his car and walks around to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and
says, "Got stuck, huh?" The
truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."
The drunken wino was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in
the gutter. A cop pulled up and said, "I've got to take you in, sir. You're obviously
drunk." The wasted wino asked, "Ociffer, are ya absolutely sure I'm drunk?"
"Yeah, buddy, I'm sure," said the copper. "Let's go." Obviously
relieved, the wino said "That's a relief - I thought I
was a cripple."
The man was in no shape to drive, so he wisely left his car parked and walked home. As he
was walking unsteadily along, he was stopped by a policeman. "What are you doing out
here at 2 A.M.?" asked the officer. "I'm going to a lecture." The man said.
"And who is going to give a lecture at this hour?" the cop asked. "My
wife," said the man.