Church Bulletin Bloopers and Other Humor
**Ushers will eat latecomers.
**The choir will meet at the Larsen house for fun and sinning.
**Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It is a good chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
**Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "hell" to someone who doesn’t care much about you.
**The peace-making meeting scheduled for today has been cancelled due to a conflict.
**Tonight’s sermon: "What is hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.
**The sermon this morning: Jesus Walks on the Water. The sermon tonight: Searching for Jesus.
**Missionary from Africa speaking at Calvary Memorial Church in Racine. Name: Bertha Belch. Announcement: "Come tonight and hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa."
**Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
**The ladies’ Bible study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.
**The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning.
**Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members, and to the deterioration of some older ones.
**The choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir.
**The concert held in Fellowship Hall was a great success. Special thanks are due to the minister’s daughter, who labored the whole evening at the piano, which as usual fell on her.
~*~*~*~
A kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they drew. She would occasionally walk around to see each child’s artwork. As she came to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was. The girl replied "I’m drawing God." The teacher paused and said, "but no one knows what God looks like." Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, "They will in a minute."
~*~*~*~
A cabbie picks up a nun. She gets into the cab, and the driver won’t stop staring at her. She asks him why he is staring and he replied, "I have a question to ask you, but I don’t want to offend you." She answers "My dear son, you cannot offend me. When you’re as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I’m sure there’s nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive." "Well, I’ve always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me."
She responds, "Well, let’s see what we can do about that: #1, you have to be single, and #2, you have to be Catholic." The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I am single, and I’m Catholic, too!"
The nun says "Okay, pull into the next alley." He does and the nun fulfills his fantasy. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying. "My dear child", said the nun, "why are you crying?" "Forgive me, sister, but I have sinned. I lied; I must confess, I’m married and I’m Jewish."
The nun says "That’s okay, my name is Kevin and I’m on my way to a Halloween party."