Azorturia (Monday Morning Disease)
A condition brought on by showing horses all weekend.
Symptoms include the feeling of dread at having to get out
of bed on Mondays and go to work.
Big Name Trainer
Cult Leader: Horse owners follow them blindly, will gladly
sell their homes, spend their children's college funds and their
IRA's to support them as they have a direct link to "The
Most High Ones" (Judges).
The gastrointestinal result of eating at the food stands at
What your mare always gives you when you want a filly.
The involuntary/instant reflex of curling one's toes up
right before a horse steps on your foot.
Small callus growths formed from the continual wearing of
The end result when your horse spooks and runs away with you
in the woods.
Decorative perimeter structures built to give a horse
something to chew on, scratch against and jump over.
The discovery, of your loose mare-some miles from your farm,
usually in a flower bed or cornfield. Used like-"Hey,
honey, I found'er."
The customary gait a horse chooses when returning to the
Wooden or metal structures built to amuse horses.
The color of the face of the person who has just gotten the
training bill from the Big Name Trainer.
The fine art of brushing the dirt from one's horse and
applying it to your own body.
Describes the walking gait of a horse owner after their foot
has been stepped on by their horse.
The financial condition that a horse owner goes into.
Expensive semi-circular projectiles that horses like to
The condition of most riders after the first few rides each
year; can be a chronic condition in weekend riders.
A long apparatus instrumental in the administration of rope
burns. Also used by excited horses to take a handler for a drag.
A training method a horse uses on its owner with the purpose
of making the owner spin in circles-rendering the owner dizzy
and light-headed so that they get sick and pass out, so the
horse can go back to grazing.
A descriptive term used to explain the condition your credit
cards are in by the end of show season.
The external reproductive organs flaunted by a stallion when
a horse of any gender is present. Often displayed in halter
A term trainers have commonly used to refer to their clients
who come to their senses and pull horses out of their barns.
What your heart does when you see the vet bill.
An abrasive, long, flat metal tool used to remove excess
skin from the knuckles.
Spectators who block your view and gather around the rail
sides at horse shows.
A condition caused by Sleeping Sickness (see below). The
state of deep sleep a mare owner will be in at the time a mare
actually goes into labor and foals.
An expensive leather contraption manufactured to give the
rider a false sense of security. Comes in many styles, all
feature built-in ejector seats.
The way the rider's bottom feels the morning after the
weekend at the horse show.
A disease peculiar to mare owners while waiting for their
mares to foal. Caused by nights of lost sleep, symptoms include
irritability, red baggy eyes & a zombie-like waking state.
Can last several weeks.
An apparatus that can be applied to various body parts of a
rider due to the parting of the ways of a horse and his
The feeling deep inside that most riders get before their
classes at a show.
An owners ability to shovel manure, fix fences and chase
down a loose horse in one afternoon.
The tell-tale raised welts on the face of a rider-caused by
the trail rider directly in front of you letting a low hanging
The age at which all horses completely forget the things you
taught them previously.
The typical atmosphere around most horse farms.