EXCERPTS FROM A DOG'S
8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
Noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
1:00 pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
1:30 pm - Ooooooo, bath, bummer.
4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
5:00 pm - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
5:30 pm - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!
The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead
of his tongue. Anonymous
Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are
wonderful. Ann Landers
If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went.
There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face.
A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself.
The average dog is a nicer person than the average person. Andy Rooney
We give dogs time we can spare, space we can spare and love we can spare. And
in return, dogs give us their all. It's the best deal man has ever made.
Dogs love their friends and bite their enemies, quite unlike people, who are
incapable of pure love and always have to mix love and hate. Sigmund
If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain dogs I have known
will go to heaven, and very, very few persons. James Thurber
I wonder what goes through his mind when he sees us peeing in his water bowl.
Penny Ward Moser
A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three
times before lying down. Robert Benchley
I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.
Dogs need to sniff the ground; it's how they keep abreast of current events.
The ground is a giant dog newspaper, containing all kinds of late-breaking dog
news items, which, if they are especially urgent, are often continued in the
next yard. Dave Barry
Anybody who doesn't know what soap tastes like never washed a dog.
Franklin P. Jones
My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to $3.00 a can. That's
almost $21.00 in dog money. Joe Weinstein
Outside of a dog, a book is probably man's best friend; inside of a dog, it's
too dark to read. Groucho Marx
Ever consider what they must think of us? I mean, here we come back from
a grocery store with the most amazing haul - chicken, pork, half a cow. They
must think we're the greatest hunters on earth! Ann Tyler
Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax
and get used to the idea. Robert Heinlein
Twenty-six reasons why men have 2 dogs and not 2 wives!
1. The later you are, the more excited your dogs are to see you.
2. Dogs will forgive you for playing with other dogs.
3. If a dog is gorgeous, other dogs don't hate it.
4. Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.
5. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor.
6. A dog's parents never visit.
7. Dogs do not hate their bodies.
8. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.
9. Dogs like to do their snooping outside rather than in your wallet or desk.
10. Dogs seldom outlive you.
11. Dogs can't talk.
12. You never have to wait for a dog; they're ready to go 24 hours a day.
13. Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk.
14. Dogs like to go hunting and fishing.
15. Another man will seldom steal your dog.
16. A dog will not wake you up at night to ask, "If I died, would you get
17. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and give them away.
18. A dog will let you put a studded collar on it without calling you a
19. A dog won't hold out on you to get a new car.
20. If a dog smells another dog on you, they don't get mad. They just think
21. On a car trip, your dog never insists on running the heater.
22. Dogs don't let magazine articles guide their lives.
23. When your dog gets old, you can have it put to sleep.
24. Dogs like to ride in the back of a pick-up truck.
25. Dogs are not allowed in Bloomingdale's or Neiman-Marcus.
And, but not least:
26. If a dog leaves, it won't take half of your stuff.
is one of the neatest stories you will ever hear. You will know precisely
what this little girl is talking about at the end (you'll want to share this one
with your loved ones and special friends)!
keeps repeating it over and over again. We've been back to this animal
shelter at least five times. It has been weeks now since we started all of
this,' the mother told the volunteer.
'What is it
she keeps asking for?' the volunteer asked.
size!' replied the mother.
we have plenty of puppies, if that's what she's looking for.'
we have seen most of them, ' the mom said in frustration...
Danielle came walking into the office.
you find one?' asked her mom. 'No, not this time,' Danielle said with
sadness in her voice. 'Can we come back on the weekend?'
two women looked at each other, shook their heads and laughed.
know when we will get more dogs. Unfortunately, there's always a supply,'
the volunteer said.
Danielle took her mother by the hand and headed to the door. 'Don't worry,
I'll find one this weekend,' she said.
next few days both Mom and Dad had long conversations with her.
felt she was being too particular. 'It's this
we're not looking any more,' Dad finally said in frustration.
don't want to hear anything more about puppy size, either,' Mom added.
enough, they were the first ones in the shelter on Saturday morning. By
now Danielle knew her way around, so she ran right for the section that housed
the smaller dogs.
the routine, Mom sat in the small waiting room at the end of the first row of
cages. There was an observation window so you could see the animals during
times when visitors weren't permitted.
walked slowly from cage to cage, kneeling periodically to take a closer look.
One by one the dogs were brought out and she held each one.
One by one she said, 'Sorry, but you're not the one.'
It was the last cage on this last day in
search of the perfect pup.
The volunteer opened the cage door and the
child carefully picked up
the dog and held it closely. This time she took a little longer.
'Mom, that's it! I found the right puppy! He's the one! I know
screamed with joy. 'It's the puppy size!'
it's the same size as all the other puppies you held over the last few weeks,'
'No not size... The sighs. When I held him in my arms, he sighed,'
When I asked you one day what love is, you told me love depends on the sighs of
your heart. The more you love, the bigger the sigh!'
The two women
looked at each other for a moment. Mom didn't know whether to laugh or
cry. As she stooped down to hug the child, she did a little of both.
time you hold me, I sigh. When you and Daddy come home from work and hug
each other, you both sigh. I knew I would find the right puppy if it
sighed when I held it in my arms,' she said.
the puppy up close to her face, she said, 'Mom, he loves me. I heard the
sighs of his heart!'
your eyes for a moment and think about the love that makes you sigh. I not
only find it in the arms of my loved ones, but in the caress of a sunset, the
kiss of the moonlight and the gentle brush of
cool air on a hot day.
They are the sighs of God Take the time to stop and listen; you will
be surprised at what you hear.
is not measured by the breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath
hope your life is filled with Sighs!!!
one is too cute! If I remember correctly, the big gray fellow is a
Neapolitan Mastiff! (And yes, he's at least as big as he looks!!!)
no better time than the present to be better than we were yesterday."
- Gary Kelley, television weatherman
FOLLOWING ARE IMPORTANT INSTRUCTIONS FOR EVERY DOG TO KNOW
Instructions for properly hugging a baby.
1. First, spy a baby.
2. Second, be sure that the object you spied was
indeed a baby by employing classic sniffing techniques. If you
smell baby powder and the wonderful aroma of wet diapers this is indeed
3. Next you will need to flatten the baby before actually beginning the
**Note: The added slobber should help in future steps by making the "paw
4. The "paw slide"
Simply slide paws around baby and prepare for possible close-up.
5. Finally, if a camera is present, you will need to execute
the difficult and patented "hug, smile, and lean" so as to
achieve the best photo quality.
Dogs, if this is properly done, it will secure you a warm, dry,
climate-controlled environment for the rest of