Thoughts on Divorce
by Marty
Don't expect it. Divorce doesn't happen overnight.
The divorce process usually happens gradually and it takes several years to work your way through it. Don't expect to "get over it" or "put it behind you". It is a fact of your life experience. You are divorced. Acknowledge that it happened and don't expect to get back together with your former spouse. Then, decide how to deal with that reality.
Options:
you can let it consume your energy by dwelling on the details of it. You will be miserable and make everyone around you miserable, too. Or,
you can handle the details and work around the obstacles that divorce presents but choose not to let the divorce be the dominant factor directing the activities of your life. Be your individual self and enjoy each day of life as best you can.
Ask for help if/when you need it. Try to get your advice from professionals. Listen to them and be as objective as possible.
Family and friends should have a part in the process since they, too, are affected by what is happening or has happened. The trouble is -- most of them don't know how to be helpful. Also, you don't know how to screen what you say to them. It is easy to cast blame and 'paint your partner ugly' but this is not the way to go about living. Try to understand the whole situation and keep to the facts in your own thinking. Be clear about what happened and say to yourself -- this is how I dealt with it. Make adjustments as necessary. Remember that you don't "owe an explanation" to anyone. You can just say: "Maybe I'll talk with you about this sometime, but right now, I'd rather talk about something else."
Divorce is a very hurtful experience to go through. It hurts everyone involved in one way or another. Practice damage control. Many things can remind you of the hurt but you often have options of how to "bandage" the situation so the wound can heal.
Marriage is expensive. It is to be a lifetime commitment. It is a weighty matter whether going in or coming out of a marriage relationship. It costs emotionally, socially, and financially. There should be satisfaction as a reward for your investment. There is a balance here. . .energy expended--satisfactrion received.
When divorce comes along, it makes you become unbalanced because it costs you a great deal and there is no reward. It will take time to find new ways to spend your energies and feel balanced and rewarded.
Divorce doesn't happen overnight. Don't expect a quick fix.
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