Square Pegs in Square Holes
by Florence Young
"Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart." Prov. 22:6 NIV
This text becomes a source of great guilt when a child wanders from parent-prescribed guidelines. The guilt increases for single parents who are already burdened with the crushing responsibility of trying to do the job alone.
Parents are reminded of their obligations to guide and teach their children (Deut. 6:7; 11:19; Eph. 6:14). So they do this, but genes, peer pressure and input from not-so-well-meaning sources interfere with efforts to turn out perfect children. And those words in the text point an accusing finger. If only. . . .
Far from a guarantee that "doing it right" results in perfect children, Solomon's admonition encourages parents to determine the nature of their children's abilities and talents, then guide their offspring accordingly. Moffatt's translation states the text more clearly: "Train a child for his proper trade, and he will never leave it, even when he is old."
Single parenting carries enough difficulties, at best. But fathers and/or mothers can relieve themselves of much frustration and heartache by allowing a child to become what it should become. Trying to turn an artist into an athlete or forcing a budding salesperson to abandon business for science is a futility of effort bordering on abuse.
All too often, parents try to live their own unfulfilled dreams through their children. The insurance-salesman father who desperately wanted to be a doctor has no right to turn a would-be mechanic into an unhappy medical student. The mother who dropped out of nursing school must pick up her own pieces of an abandoned career. Her daughter would rather get an MBA.
Threats to pay for training or education "only if" can easily pay off in fractured parent/child relationships. The sons or daughters who bend to such threats, forced to deny their own dreams, are at risk of becoming neurotic. Unhappy in a parent-chosen profession, glittering mediocrity marks the work of one who could have performed efficiently, even brilliantly, in a self-chosen career.
In addition to fulfilling dreams through their children, some parents view the accomplishments of their offspring as trophies. "My son, the Whatever" or "My daughter, the Whobody" become the blue ribbons and silver cups so proudly displayed by owners of prize-winning animals. Woe unto the offspring who denies the parent of this terrible need to turn a child's accomplishments into items for display!
Can parents, alone or together, create perfect children? Not likely. Adam and Eve, in a perfect environment with perfect guidance, chose to reject God. Parents can only do their best while they remember they are not training prize-winners, nor do they own their children. And parents can follow the admonition of Solomon by not forcing a square peg into a round hole. They can, by paying attention, "train up a child in the way he should go."
copyright 2000 by Florence Young -- all rights reserved
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