Recapture Your Dreams
by Myrna Tetz
We've all experienced rejection of some kind, and it's not a pretty feeling. In fact, depending on its severity, the good feelings we've accumulated about ourselves disappear like a helium balloon unclasped from the hand of a child.
There are stages, of course. Sometimes we believe we can cope and become an even better person. Other times we're devastated. Rejection by a spouse, a child by a parent, by a lover, by a good friend -- these leave imprints that sometimes last a life-time.
TV star Dylan McDermott's parents separated before he was 2, and when he was 5 years of age his 20-year-old mother was killed in an accident. Brought up by a grandmother, Dylan saw his father only occasionally during his early years. "Whenever you lose a parent," he says, "there's an insecurity that's bred everywhere." He believes the world is so fragmented because "so many people leave" and "that's why there's so much addiction in the world." He was "a lonely latchkey kid. . ." Rejected and. . .a delinquent. (Parade, Aug. 15, 1999, pp. 4, 5.)
Although other rejections may not be as traumatic as the Dylan account, rejection of any proportion cannot easily be dismissed. If our ideas are turned down by our colleagues, we do not succeed in our athletic dreams, or the products we attempt to sell do not have the customer appeal we had envisioned, the memories can go deep like an inhaled poison.
I encountered rejection in 1989. William G. Johnsson, editor of the Adventist Review, wrote "Thank you for submitting the enclosed manuscript written for our consideration. . . .Unfortunately, the manuscript does not quite meet the needs of the Adventist Review at this time. Your writing shows considerable ability, and I hope you will not be discouraged. . ."
Somehow, I recovered. However, if the rejection had been of a more serious consequence (if I had been attempting to make a living by writing), I would have needed to reevaluate my goals and explore other options.
"Use rejection as a launching pad to shake yourself up. Recapture your dreams," wrote Gregg Taylor, who was manager of a business firm in a Vancouver, British Columbia, office. He claims that "it's important to go through the grieving process. But keep your eyes open; network like crazy and use your imagination."
When their application for admission to an educational institution is turned down, students experience rejection. Kaplan College advised such students to "archive the letters in a safety deposit box -- when you donate a building to your alma mater in 2030, mail the rejection letters, along with a press clipping to the schools. In red pen, write 'nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah."
When rejection surfaces, it's helpful to reread biblical accounts of leaders who faced this unsavory experience, and you will receive encouragement. Take Samuel, for instance. Samuel's sons proved unworthy of the office given them by their father and, in essence, rejected him.
The elders now became dissatisfied and said to Samuel, "You are old, and your sons do not walk in your ways; now appoint a king to lead us" (I Sam. 8:5, NIV). Reminding the elderly of their age and that their advice is not needed is probably one of the most discouraging messages they can ever hear. Add to that the suggestion that their offspring are rebellious, and you have persons who experience rejection at a time in their lives when they might, instead, relish memories of accomplishment.
"The aged prophet looked upon the request as a censure upon himself." (Ellen G. White, Patriarchs and Prophets, pp. 604, 605.) And so Samuel turned to the Lord and received this message: "Listen to all that the people are saying to you; it is not you they have rejected, but they have rejected Me as their king." (I Sam. 8:7, NIV).
Christ knew rejection beginning with Lucifer's rebellion in heaven, the Eden experience, the Calvary sacrifice, and through the years as so many of His children turn Him away. Bud "Did God reject His people?" Paul asks. Then he answers his own question. "By no means!" (Rom. 11:1 NIV). That's the most encouraging message we'll ever hear and, if internalized, it could transform our rejection experiences into a reevaluation of our God-given potential.
- - Used by Permission Adventist Review, Oct. 14, 1999;
Review & Herald Publishing Assoc.; Hagerstown, MD
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